


Three people who tried to kill themselves, one who succeeded, and one who comforted the loss.

by Pastel_Teacups



Category: Star Trek
Genre: M/M, tw:attempted suicide, tw:depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-13
Updated: 2013-10-13
Packaged: 2017-12-29 08:24:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1003184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pastel_Teacups/pseuds/Pastel_Teacups





	Three people who tried to kill themselves, one who succeeded, and one who comforted the loss.

Everybody had their dark moments. And everybody had tried to act on them. 

The Enterprise was a nice place. But the things they did weren't. Everybody had come in during a crisis, or when it was too late. 

Uhura

Bones never could've seen it coming when Nyota walked into the psychiatric wing, tears rolling down her face. 

"What's the matter?" Leonard'd asked, as gently as he could once he'd gotten into a room. 

The woman curled up in her chair, shaking slightly. "I can't do it. I've killed people without even blinking an eye. And now, I feel all this terrible guilt for the lives I'd ended." 

"You've never killed wrongly, Lieutenant. You've killed out of necessity. We all have." 

It took a while, but she'd be okay. 

Sulu

Sulu was rushed in one day after making an attempt to slit his wrists. Leonard remembers that day, too. 

"He's losing blood, fast." A nurse had said, measuring his vitals as McCoy tried to stop the bleeding. 

"Damn it, Sulu," He muttered, finally getting the blood stopped.  
\--  
A few hours after when Sulu had come to, he had bandages wrists. And he wasn't alone.

"You know you'll have to show up for therapy once a week now." Bones said, hardly looking up from his PADD.

Jim

Bones walked in on Jim holding a handful of pills to his mouth. 

He was at his side in a moment, knocking over the capsules and gripping the man tightly, pulling him to his chest and letting him bear against his chest with his fists and cry. 

"You _asshole_." Jim sobbed, wetting the man's Medical blues with his tears. "I hate you." 

Finally, after what feels like forever, the fight drains from him and he collapses, sinking to the floor along his Bones. 

He cries and shakes, and Bones lets him. He appears a while later, in Medbay, Leonard's hand somewhat comfortingly on his back. 

It'd be okay. 

Right? 

Chekov

Pavel tries to drink a cup full of toxins from Engineering. 

When Leonard receives a transmission from Pavel with the simple words _I'm sorry,_ he'd too rushed to even think of anything but getting to his Pasha. 

When he rushes in, Pavel's unconscious, laying on the floor right next to their shared bed. 

He'd kneeling next to him in a second, his hands hovering above the body. The they press onto him, checking his pulse, putting his ear next to the boy's parted lips. 

"Kid," Leonard murmurs, his eyes searching from the teen's face for any kind of movement. 

He doesn't wait for a stretcher, simply picks up the boy. 

He carries him into Medbay, and sets him gently on a bed. Nurses fly around him, and after five long minutes, a nurse tells Leonard to call it. 

"He's dead." 

Scotty

Scotty's much too proud for suicide, but he comes in handy if you just happen to want to drink himself to death. 

That's why Leonard shows up in his office two days after it happens, looking worn. 

Scotty doesn't ask. He only grabs two glasses, and pours three fingers of scotch in each of them. He slides on across the desk, and Leonard picks it up. 

"I heard about what happened." 

Of course he had. Everybody had. 

"I'm sorry." 

Leonard takes a sip of his scotch, and remains silent. 

"He shouldn't have had the clearance for those toxins. I don't know how he got them." He says, and Leonard understands. Scotty blames himself. 

"It isn't your fault." Leonard dismisses, taking another drink. 

"It came from my division. It _feels_ like my fault." 

Bones nods. He understands. He more than understands. He takes another drink. 

"He was a good kid." Scotty says, mostly to fill the silence. "As good as they come."

Leonard nods. "He was a damn genius. It's a waste." 

He finishes off his drink, and Scotty pours him another one without being asked. 

"When he shadowed me, he wouldn't stop talkin' about you. I had to tell him to be quiet once. Or talk about something else." 

"He did?" Leonard asks after a long pause. 

Scotty nods. "Yeah. He told me all about you. He was in love with you." 

Leonard nods. "I know. The kid told me every day. I loved him, too." 

Scotty looks up at him, his eyes shining. "You did?" 

Leonard nod, not blinking an eye as he downed the rest of his drink. 

Scotty refills it, like the good friend he is, then he refills his own. "I thought so." 

"What made you think that?" Bones asks. 

"The way you look at him, like he holds the stars and the sky all in one." 

"Never liked the stars." 

"Then you look at him like he can cure every disease in the universe." 

Leonard nods. "I guess I never noticed." He admitted, taking a sip of the amber liquid in his glass. 

"I know that's why I had to tell you." 

Leonard huffs out a breath, shaking his head. "Why did he do it? Was it something I did?" 

"Guilt can drive a man mad, even if it isn't his." Scotty says. 

Leonard levels his gaze on the man, and stares for a long time.


End file.
